01 April 2010

Today we announced the release of our first Great White Shark to one of our cabinets.As part of our CSR commitments, we’re bringing sharks to most towns and cities of over 500 people.

“You’ve heard of Ultra Fast Broadband – well this is UFP – Ultra Fast Predators! Ha Ha! Hahahahahaha!” said a spokesman, who didn’t give their name.

The new cabinets feature a layer of salt water with capacity for everything  from Great  Whites to Makos. Chorus technicians will feed the new cabinet residents a diet of fish while making routine repairs. There is capacity for access seekers to house their own sharks if they wish.

Here’s a sample of the first shark’s Twitter feed:

@bitey – crumbs. Sorry about that lol
about a minute ago

@bitey – It’s OK, found something to eat
about five minutes ago

@bitey – really hungry.
about two hours ago

@bitey –  Hungry
about three hours ago

This Great White, nicknamed ‘bitey’ by its trainers, is enjoying the urban environment. His hobbies include flesh eating and swimming.